Entry 6: I Am Woman

Hello all, welcome back to the diary! It's been a pretty rad ride so far right? We've talked about makeup tips, how to smell nice, how to shave those privates, and touched a little on how to have healthy hair. Today I would like to get on my soap box a little. Don't worry there is a red "X" in your top right if you think this becomes too much for you....because I will get brutally honest here today.

See the photo above? Take a long look at it. She looks pathetic, stinky, icky, ugly, and just pitiful. If you're a woman, you know this look very well. If you're a man, you probably only know this look if you have a serious relationship with a woman. We, meaning girls, all feel and look this way from time to time....especially when we get that nice visit from that annoying aunt of ours. You follow now? Yes, I am talking about our periods.......GASP! I just lost every male who might have been brave enough to read this that very second. Today I want to talk about the awful things we have to go through as females and some ways I think that the world could make our crazy lives just a little bit easier! I have been wanting to type this entry for a while, its the main reason I even started this diary segment. I wanted to wait until I was deep in the heart of it though, feeling the horribleness of it all. So I am writing this from the depths of my soul. Sorry if it gets a little scary for ya, but this is coming straight from a moody, icky, crampy, bloated, PMSing woman! You've been warned.

I want to first repeat, I am currently on my period. It is that time of the month for me. I AM ON MY PERIOD!!! Was that so bad? How come we can't proclaim this out loud to the world? It seems if you even speak of being on your period to most men, and some women, that they just freak out! What's up with that?! Yes it is gross. Yes it is. But it's a natural thing that has to happen to every woman before any of us can be born. So, I think we should be able to discuss it openly. Us women won't even talk about it with men, even when those men might be the closest people in our lives, the ones we confide in. I won't even let anyone else see that I have a tampon in my hand, if I had to grab one from a fellow lady because it came unexpectedly and I wasn't prepared, on my way to the bathroom. I get embarrassed. But how is this fair? Periods are absolutely terrible, I have never met anyone who likes their period. (If you for some reason enjoy that hell, you may have some deeeeeep issues.)  Since it is so terrible, the least we could do is try to make it a little less awful. I think first of all the whole stigma around periods should be changed. We should be allowed to talk about it whenever we want. We shouldn't be embarrassed to buy tampons. We should not have to hide the fact that we are going through absolute hell. I am writing this post to mostly warn everyone around me that I plan to be more open about it. I am tired of being embarrassed of it. I have to go through it! I have to deal with it! And I hate it enough already.

Whew, it's good to get that out. So if there are any men left, you are probably wondering what makes it so terrible. Oh I will tell you good sir! I am not going to get all technical, because frankly I don't want to do the research and that's why we have Wikipedia. I will tell you first hand experiences from a cranky pmsing girl though! It happens at least 3 days before you even start your period, and lasts at least 3 days after you stop bleeding. Yes, that's right it's much longer than you think. First, you start to get a few pimples. (Well, this is how mine starts, not meaning to generalize) Yea, as if I wasn't going to feel gross enough...let's add a few pimples. Then your tits get tender, no tender makes it sound daintier than it is, your tits hurt. They feel like you are carrying medicine balls around on your chest, and like someone spent the night before punching them for 13 hours. Sexy. Those first few days for me also include random cramps at random times, with this hard to describe grossness that pours over you. By the time you actually do start, you feel like you are walking around with garbage all over you, like someone is just following you around continually emptying a trashcan over your head. That's a fun feeling. Then it happens. Oh yes. You'd think after 9 years of having my period that I could tell when it was about to happen. Nope. I get surprised every single time. Every single time I am busy doing something else, usually in public, and it happens. 100's of pairs of panties ruined. Oh too far? No. This is what I mean. This IS gross, but we have to go through this every single month of every single year. You're just grocery shopping, or vacuuming, or whatever and all of a sudden it is like someone removed the dam in your vagina. That garbage feeling gets much worse in that moment. After you've sprinted, been humiliated, cleaned yourself, hated yourself, and slipped in a tampon, (or placed on a pad, *shudder*, I am sorry I just cannot do pads) the real hell begins. My cramps start immediately. And I really cannot even begin to describe how badly they hurt. I have spent many periods thinking of how to even describe the pain. The pain, for me, is below my belly button. It's like a very small, very strong man is inside you. And he is squeeeeezing every bit of your insides until they feel like they are about to burst out of your stomach. While he's squeezing, another small strong man is taking turns between punching you over and over from the inside, and slicing your insides with a dull knife. And I still don't even think this adequately describes how badly it hurts. I have this ongoing pain for at least the first few days of my period. Paired along with this pain, a pulsing, random pain that happens approx. every 15 minutes. So that's fun. It gets so bad sometimes I can't even stand up properly. And let me say nothing, and I mean nothing, relieves this pain fully. There are a few things, which I will talk about in a few, that will ease it a tad bit, but no relief. (Again, for me. Every girl is different) On top of all this wonderful grossness, you're bloated. I mean, you-look-like-your-3-months-pregnant-bloated. So, you can't fit any of your clothes properly, besides your sweat pants, having anything too tight hurts your belly more, and yet you can't be completely naked because of, well the blood. Again, sexy. You also get terrible back aches, well whole body aches during this too. And the mood swings. Which is the only part men seem to be willing to talk about. Yes we get whiny, and emotional, and testy. But, come on! Look at what we're going through. Of course we're moody. Let's not forget that during all of this we're still bleeding! BLEEDING! Like some stuck pig. And we have to jam cotton up our mini-me just to keep from destroy every thing around us. Or wear a pad, shudder again. Then, for the rest of your period it is all about trying to figure out when it is fully done and you can stop sporting the cotton around. Finally once it is over, you feel free, but also defeated, because in just 4 short weeks, it is all going to happen again.

Is anyone still here? Those of you brave souls left, dry your tears, and take a minute to process. I know, I know. That was intense, but we got through alright! And now you all know, and now it has been said. Finally. Ahhhh... Can't we just be more open about it. I won't give these graphic details every month, but I do think I shouldn't have to hate myself for something I cannot control. I do believe society should make it easier to go through, even if it is just acknowledging the horror of it. My dream is that one day we will have a female president, HA!, and she will pass a bill to help us all. If it was me, I would allow every single period-having woman to have their period week off. Off from work, school, public, from life. Because I will tell you the only thing worse than the above paragraph, is dealing with all of that along with all of the other normal stresses of everyday life. Dealing with that during a hard exam, during a long day of work, during a flat tire. If we all could choose to take some time off during our monthly visitor, I know we would all be happier people of society. If when I have a really bad day full of the crap above, I could just take one day off from everything without any repercussions and lay in bed, naked, I would feel a thousand times better. I know we all would.

So for those period-having women, I do have some tips on helping that week be a little less terrible. First of all if you can bypass the pads, do it. They feel like diapers! And you end up just sitting around in your own grossness. Tampons take some getting used to, but are worth it! I would recommend starting with the really tiny ones and working your way up. Super is plenty big enough for me, and will last for about 4-6 hours. You shouldn't ever leave them in longer than is directed on the box because you could get some serious problems like TSS. My favorite tampons are Playtex Sport, I like the fresh scent ones:

Absolutely no medication helps me while I am on my period. I have tried them all, Midol, Pamprin, etc. If they work for you, fantastic, but they give me no relief. The only relief I get is from heat. Invest in a heating pad! This will help ease your back aches and your belly pains. My absolute favorite things ever are Thermacare Heat Wraps. They are a little pricey, but so worth it. Because we do have to continue our lives on our periods, (just until I am president) these are so amazing. It is like carrying around your heating pad. They are the only way I can go to school or work when my cramps are at their worst. Buy some and see for yourself! 

They say exercising helps with the cramps. But who feels like exercising during that time? If you do, more power to you. Food is my friend on my period. Keep some ice cream in the house. Buy some chamomile tea. Have some go-to sad movies. And drink lots of water. I like to find a cozy spot, plug in my heating pad, and watch sad movies while I sip on chamomile tea. The tea seems to soothe my belly and the movies are just for how emotional I get.

Thank you so much to whoever actually reads this! I have been really wanting to write something like this for a while. And I hope this helps empower some women to not take crap about their periods anymore. I also hope that some of my remedies help ease your hell just a little bit. Finally I hope this post gets to some men. I hope it makes you go bear hug the women in your life. The fact that we go through this every month and still are the beautiful, loving creatures that you love so much is an absolute miracle. Thanks again for sticking around until the end. Please by all means give me some feedback, but please do not just tell me how gross I am. That would be the opposite of what I am trying to achieve here. If you like posts like these, stick around, because there will be more to come! I am feeling a farting revolution coming on... :)